She was some 20 to 25 years my senior. I had not met her before. We met in the aisle at the grocery store this afternoon. She looked familiar; I do not know why - possibly, a recognition not of the body. I consider it weird that persons think we were not before and just showed up here. Like, "Hello, who are you?" "Oh! I'm something called an-Egg-and-a-Sperm. Kinda weird I know, but too complicated to go into just now." Anyway, she and I had a good conversation. I initiated it for some reason ~ who knows?... I don't.
Somehow, the conversation turned to words about aging and death. She told me how she is weary and thinks about death as a way to move on out of her exhausted body. She remarked, "You know when you get this way, it's like, 'What is there to live for?.'"
We spoke of the journey continuing after the body drops. We did not share any details on that, agreeing death is not an end and natural as birth.
I told her I had worked with the dying, having been employed in Hospice. I shared how so many persons I saw had a more meaningful life when the body could not support the busy life they had engaged. I moved my hands back and forth to indicate how persons run around hurriedly here-and-there all the time. I talked of how patients I worked with were usually ready to die before the time came and of how many get enthused about it - that the families are the ones that are not glad.
The woman listened intently to me, I to her. She began smiling during the sharing time. Wonderful.
We said goodbyes, the dear one saying with that lovely smile, "Thank you so much, you've encouraged me." I smiled and wished her a blessed day. She had been a blessing to me, also. It is always a blessing when nothing stands between your heart and that of another.
See, you never know where you may have a meaningful encounter with yourself, you you have no memory of meeting before.
* * *
When we awaken from the I-am-a-person(ality)-delusion, the falsehood that I am the decorations, the attributes, we meet ourselves everywhere. This opens to feeling more at home in this world and receptive to the depth in others, the same depth you and the other are. We cannot say what this depth is. We can enjoy it through the other mirroring it back to us, and we to the other.
This mirrored back is not another identity. It is not a someone or something. In fact, being someone or something is a cause for disunity.
To love deeply, to include everyone in the heart, we need to become nothing. We need to look in the image returned to us and be able to say, "I don't know what or who that is." Not knowing, so no identity, means seeing clearly, finally. Then, there is a vast space to invite others in. The more I am nothing, the more space, so the more preparedness for heart-with-heart sharing rather than person-with-person sharing. Identity - being someone or something - is very limited, offering little space. It is a small room. Being nothing and no one means being like the sky. Who cannot find a place in there?
* * *
When I was still officially identified with Christianity and in clinical chaplaincy training, 1995, we had a Catholic priest-in-training in the group. In group sharing, he questioned the validity of my faith. I had beliefs much different from his, more inclusive; this left him unable to see me as a Christian. To me, though he was in his 20s, this man presented as conservative, elitist Catholicism. I replied, chastening him verbally in front of the group for daring to question my faith. This questioning was rude and out-of-bounds behavior. The group was made up of persons of various Christian sects, and the clinical program was interfaith. The group was to assist group members in their chaplain care, including constructive criticism. Still, it was not designed to criticize, certainly not call into question, the faith of group members. So, I decided not to ignore his behavior and challenge him on it before the others.
Many weeks later, in the last days before graduation, this young Catholic met me for refreshments and a talk. We had an enjoyable time. He surprised me by referring to how he had behaved in-group before. He said he was wrong and asked forgiveness. I extended forgiveness to him, though I had let it all go, and to me, it was all in the past.
About a week later, the group met for our final oral exam. We were sitting in a small circle. This time more aggressive, this young man began not only questioning my faith but saying I certainly was not a Christian. I was stunned after he had expressed before he was wrong in doing this same thing. I, again, replied strongly. The group leader did not maintain the group's order. I was perturbed at this elitist priest's egregious behavior and the facilitator for allowing this intolerance to continue, which violated the program's avowed respect for inclusiveness.
Later, reflecting on these encounters with the young man, I could see how he had acted in precisely the same way I had been taught about Catholicism in my upbringing - elitist, judgmental, arrogant. Still, I knew he did not represent the best of Catholicism or the priesthood.
Also, I realized what I represented, and spoke in the group, was a threat to the worldview he identified with. I represented a post-church - not anti-church - worldview. He represented a Catholic church worldview. In his questioning my faith in-group, I saw this aggression arose from insecurity about his faith. In seeking to shame, he exposed his own insecure intolerance and dogmatic tribalism. Such intolerance and dogmatism is divisive, not unitive. Beliefs divide, Spirit unites.
* * *
We can contrast these two above meetings. In one, connection heart-with-heart could not be honored for one was attached to a religious identity. What was most important to the priest-in-training was not understanding me, indeed not showing love to me, but defending his ideology. Between his heart and mine was the entire Catholic ideology. How was sustaining heartful sharing possible, then?
In the first meeting shared above, the woman and I talked together briefly in a grocery store aisle. She and I enjoyed a heart-closeness in those few minutes that is timeless. There was no worldview blocking heart resonating with heart. Yet, I could not enjoy this communion with a young priest who claimed to represent God. His heart could not remain available to share at a depth underneath that is not Catholic - is not anything.
* * *
So, if we are going to meet ourselves, we must be prepared to include others. The wider our embrace of diversity, the more we are available to be seen in others. Anything standing between your heart and that of the other is to be dismissed from your being - we need to be honest here, for we tend to justify our version of elitism.
* * *
When I was a corrections chaplain, one of my assignments was to visit the hospital. We were the prison having a hospital for all the inmates in the region. So, many of these men were from other prisons. We had a unit for patients needing assistance with mental wellness, also. I would go into each hospital unit filled with inmates in beds. Some were in recovery, some waiting for death.
I enjoyed the sharing. Some wanted prayer. Some wanted religious material to read. Some wanted to talk. Some did not want anything, just to be left alone.
That is heart-with-heart. You have a role. You are not that role. You have a skin color. You are not that skin color. You belong to a religion. You are not that religion. Now, being nothing means great love can take place. Great love could not occur if I were to go into a unit as merely a chaplain visiting inmates. No, depth means nothing - means the absence of inmate, absence of chaplain.
So, then, Christ is present, or Buddha appears... something like that. I said, it is beautiful.
* * *
So, when seeing from the heart, you see through the surface differences and truly see the other, not merely look at or associate with. In seeing the other, you see yourself. When this happens, there is peace, there is love. How could there not be? Just imagine, if we saw this way, warfare would be an impossibility. We would wish to know and feel closeness with persons of different races and religions, too.
So, when we see ourselves in the other, we know love. We have the joy of being able to share with and learn from those who experience the Sacred differently than we do. We invite this diversity; we are not threatened by it - not when we live from the heart. Then, meeting persons becomes an act of entering heart-worship. We find a love purer, more profound than we had dreamed of.
* * *
*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2021
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse. The book is a collection of poems based on mystical traditions, especially Christian and Sufi, with extensive notes on the teachings and imagery in the poetry.
